41 'Wedding Crashers' Quotes and Rules to Live (and Laugh) By

  • Publication date: 07/10/2024
  • Updated: 07/10/2024

Released in 2005, "Wedding Crashers" quickly became a cultural phenomenon, cementing its status as a modern comedy classic. The film stars Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as Jeremy and John, two charming and mischievous divorce mediators who spend their free time crashing weddings to meet women. Their seamless chemistry, combined with a brilliant supporting cast including Rachel McAdams, Christopher Walken, and Isla Fisher, delivers a riot of laughs mixed with surprisingly sweet moments.

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The genius of "Wedding Crashers" lies not just in its humor but in how it taps into the universal appeal of weddings as a joyful and slightly chaotic celebration of love, making it a perfect backdrop for comedy. The film's exploration of friendship, love, and the lengths one will go to for both, resonates with audiences, making it a movie that's as heartfelt as it is hilarious. If you're looking for a reason to rewatch, the sharp wit, memorable lines, and the rules to live by (or crash by) provide plenty of incentives. Each viewing promises new laughs and a nostalgic return to the mid-2000s comedy style.

Best Quotes from "Wedding Crashers"

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This section of the article is dedicated to the hilarious and memorable lines from "Wedding Crashers." These quotes encapsulate the wit and humor that make the film an enduring favorite. Whether it’s Jeremy’s irreverent outbursts or John’s charming retorts, each quote brings a piece of the movie’s unique comedic flavor. As you read through these 35 funny "Wedding Crashers" quotes, remember the scenes that had you laughing out loud and appreciate the clever dialogue that makes the movie worth revisiting.

  1. "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" – Mrs. Kroeger
  2. "Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!" – Jeremy Grey
  3. "It's wedding season, kid!" – Jeremy Grey
  4. "I'll have the salmon. I'm a pescatarian." – John Beckwith
  5. "What is true love?" – Grandmother
  6. "Death, you are my bitch lover!" – Todd Cleary
  7. "Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does!" – Flip Cleary
  8. "You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." – John Beckwith
  9. "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it." – Jeremy Grey
  10. "Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning."  – Jeremy Grey
  11. "That's the way you debate!" – Secretary Cleary
  12. "We are gonna have tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that are so aroused by the thought of marriage that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind." – Jeremy Grey
  13. "I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan, Count Chocula." – John Beckwith
  14. "Don't ever leave me." "Good. 'Cause I'd find you!" – Gloria Cleary
  15. "So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be all right." – Chazz Reinhold
  16. "Love doesn't exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, 'cause I don’t think friendship exists either." – Jeremy Grey
  17. "I made you a painting. I call it 'Celebration.' It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it." – Todd Cleary
  18. "Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper." – Jeremy Grey
  19. "Why do you need this? Why do you need to hear that I think you're cool?" – Jeremy Grey
  20. "Mom! The meatloaf! Fuck!" – Jeremy Grey
  21. "I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." – John Beckwith
  22. "I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!" – Jeremy Grey
  23. "Life is a party. Crash it." – Jeremy Grey
  24. "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." – John Beckwith
  25. "I felt like Jodie Foster in 'The Accused' last night." – Jeremy Grey
  26. "People like to be asked questions. It makes conversation pleasant and easy." – John Beckwith
  27. "Here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!" – John Beckwith
  28. "What do they say about him? He lived with his mom till he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!" – Argument at dinner table
  29. "Make me a bicycle, clown!" – Todd Cleary
  30. "Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye." – Jeremy Grey
  31. "I'm just living the dream." – Chazz Reinhold
  32. "I have an early meeting tomorrow. It's already almost today!" – John Beckwith
  33. "I've got the perfect girl for you!" – Jeremy Grey
  34. "Rule #115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket!" – Jeremy Grey
  35. "It's like fishing with dynamite." – Jeremy Grey
  36. "Is it just about the physical attraction? Is she hot?" – Jeremy Grey
  37. "Oh, the painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me." – Jeremy Grey
  38. "We all know the rules. It's about having fun." – Jeremy Grey
  39. "I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don't even know what that meant." – John Beckwith
  40. "Let's play tummy sticks." – Todd Cleary
  41. "A friend in need is a pest."  – Jeremy Grey

Wedding Crashers Rules

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The rules followed by Jeremy and John in "Wedding Crashers" are more than just guidelines for crashing weddings; they're a humorous framework that supports the film's plot and adds depth to their characters. These 25 rules reveal the philosophy of our protagonists—not just how to blend in at any wedding, but also their approach to life and relationships. 

This comprehensive list offers a peek into their playful yet strategic minds, illustrating why "Wedding Crashers" is more than just a comedy—it’s a guidebook for the ultimate party-goers. Each rule is a stepping stone to another misadventure, making them essential elements of the movie's charm and appeal.

  1. Never leave a fellow Crasher behind.
  2. Never use your real name.
  3. Never confess.
  4. No one goes home alone.
  5. Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher.
  6. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
  7. Blend in by standing out.
  8. Know the family: Be a part of it.
  9. Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
  10. Invitations are for losers.
  11. Sensitive is good.
  12. Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
  13. You love animals and children.
  14. Toast in the native language if you know it.
  15. Always have an up-to-date family tree.
  16. Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
  17. Life is a party - crash it.
  18. If you're going to lie, lie big.
  19. Play like a champion.
  20. When it stops being fun, break something.
  21. Never play fair.
  22. Tell a memorable story.
  23. Always leave them wanting more.
  24. Breakfast is the new dinner.
  25. Read the room, adapt your strategy accordingly.
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These rules and quotes from "Wedding Crashers" have not only made the movie a beloved comedy but also a source of endless entertainment and a guide on how not to take life too seriously. Whether you're watching for the first time or the hundredth, there's always a new laugh to be found and perhaps a rule or two to apply to your next social gathering!

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Natali Grace Levine Editor-in-Chief

Manages The Wezoree's content strategy
Writes and edits articles for the Inspiration Blog