41 'Wedding Crashers' Quotes and Rules to Live (and Laugh) By

Released in 2005, "Wedding Crashers" quickly became a cultural phenomenon, cementing its status as a modern comedy classic. The film stars Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as Jeremy and John, two charming and mischievous divorce mediators who spend their free time crashing weddings to meet women. Their seamless chemistry, combined with a brilliant supporting cast including Rachel McAdams, Christopher Walken, and Isla Fisher, delivers a riot of laughs mixed with surprisingly sweet moments.

The genius of "Wedding Crashers" lies not just in its humor but in how it taps into the universal appeal of weddings as a joyful and slightly chaotic celebration of love, making it a perfect backdrop for comedy. The film's exploration of friendship, love, and the lengths one will go to for both, resonates with audiences, making it a movie that's as heartfelt as it is hilarious. If you're looking for a reason to rewatch, the sharp wit, memorable lines, and the rules to live by (or crash by) provide plenty of incentives. Each viewing promises new laughs and a nostalgic return to the mid-2000s comedy style.

Best Quotes from "Wedding Crashers"

This section of the article is dedicated to the hilarious and memorable lines from "Wedding Crashers." These quotes encapsulate the wit and humor that make the film an enduring favorite. Whether it’s Jeremy’s irreverent outbursts or John’s charming retorts, each quote brings a piece of the movie’s unique comedic flavor. As you read through these 35 funny "Wedding Crashers" quotes, remember the scenes that had you laughing out loud and appreciate the clever dialogue that makes the movie worth revisiting.

1. "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" – Mrs. Kroeger
2. "Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!" – Jeremy Grey
3. "It's wedding season, kid!" – Jeremy Grey
4. "I'll have the salmon. I'm a pescatarian." – John Beckwith
5. "What is true love?" – Grandmother
6. "Death, you are my bitch lover!" – Todd Cleary
7. "Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does!" – Flip Cleary
8. "You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." – John Beckwith
9. "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it." – Jeremy Grey
10. "Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning."  – Jeremy Grey
11. "That's the way you debate!" – Secretary Cleary
12. "We are gonna have tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that are so aroused by the thought of marriage that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind." – Jeremy Grey
13. "I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan, Count Chocula." – John Beckwith
14. "Don't ever leave me." "Good. 'Cause I'd find you!" – Gloria Cleary
15. "So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be all right." – Chazz Reinhold
16. "Love doesn't exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, 'cause I don’t think friendship exists either." – Jeremy Grey
17. "I made you a painting. I call it 'Celebration.' It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it." – Todd Cleary
18. "Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper." – Jeremy Grey
19. "Why do you need this? Why do you need to hear that I think you're cool?" – Jeremy Grey
20. "Mom! The meatloaf! Fuck!" – Jeremy Grey
21. "I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." – John Beckwith
22. "I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!" – Jeremy Grey
23. "Life is a party. Crash it." – Jeremy Grey
24. "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." – John Beckwith
25. "I felt like Jodie Foster in 'The Accused' last night." – Jeremy Grey
26. "People like to be asked questions. It makes conversation pleasant and easy." – John Beckwith
27. "Here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!" – John Beckwith
28. "What do they say about him? He lived with his mom till he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!" – Argument at dinner table
29. "Make me a bicycle, clown!" – Todd Cleary
30. "Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye." – Jeremy Grey
31. "I'm just living the dream." – Chazz Reinhold
32. "I have an early meeting tomorrow. It's already almost today!" – John Beckwith
33. "I've got the perfect girl for you!" – Jeremy Grey
34. "Rule #115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket!" – Jeremy Grey
35. "It's like fishing with dynamite." – Jeremy Grey
36. "Is it just about the physical attraction? Is she hot?" – Jeremy Grey
37. "Oh, the painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me." – Jeremy Grey
38. "We all know the rules. It's about having fun." – Jeremy Grey
39. "I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don't even know what that meant." – John Beckwith
40. "Let's play tummy sticks." – Todd Cleary
41. "A friend in need is a pest."  – Jeremy Grey

Wedding Crashers Rules

The rules followed by Jeremy and John in "Wedding Crashers" are more than just guidelines for crashing weddings; they're a humorous framework that supports the film's plot and adds depth to their characters. These 25 rules reveal the philosophy of our protagonists—not just how to blend in at any wedding, but also their approach to life and relationships. 

This comprehensive list offers a peek into their playful yet strategic minds, illustrating why "Wedding Crashers" is more than just a comedy—it’s a guidebook for the ultimate party-goers. Each rule is a stepping stone to another misadventure, making them essential elements of the movie's charm and appeal.

1. Never leave a fellow Crasher behind.
2. Never use your real name.
3. Never confess.
4. No one goes home alone.
5. Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher.
6. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
7. Blend in by standing out.
8. Know the family: Be a part of it.
9. Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
10. Invitations are for losers.
11. Sensitive is good.
12. Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
13. You love animals and children.
14. Toast in the native language if you know it.
15. Always have an up-to-date family tree.
16. Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
17. Life is a party - crash it.
18. If you're going to lie, lie big.
19. Play like a champion.
20. When it stops being fun, break something.
21. Never play fair.
22. Tell a memorable story.
23. Always leave them wanting more.
24. Breakfast is the new dinner.
25. Read the room, adapt your strategy accordingly.

These rules and quotes from "Wedding Crashers" have not only made the movie a beloved comedy but also a source of endless entertainment and a guide on how not to take life too seriously. Whether you're watching for the first time or the hundredth, there's always a new laugh to be found and perhaps a rule or two to apply to your next social gathering!